by Robert Gore, Ph.D., Psychotherapist, 310-448-9510
Beverly Hills, California
How would you like to have a tool that would allow you to get out of an angry mood quickly and achieve an experience of serenity?
Therapists help clients do this by asking strategic questions at key moments in therapy. Based on fifteen years of work as a mental health professional, I have developed a list of the most effective questions therapists use to help clients find a way out of angry moods. These questions come out of my own clinical experience and informal study of masterful psychologists and what they do. I have used them to help many clients, and chances are good that they can help you as well.You can try out the system yourself right now. If you would like to get the full benefits of using it, you should consult this list five times a day for at least three weeks. For best results, you should read my book, The Ten-Second Attitude Shift: How to Keep A Winning Spirit All the Time. Send me e-mail at the address at the bottom of this page if you would like to order a pre-publication copy when it becomes available.
To get started now, read over each question below, silently. After reading each question, take a deep breath, let it out, and then move on to the next question.
Sometimes a question will help you find a fresh perspective on whatever is making you mad.
Sometimes a question will be irrelevant. Occasionally a question may make you feel a little worse. I would appreciate e-mail at the address listed at the bottom of this page if that happens to you, so I can tune up the system here.
However, for most people, at least one of the questions will be just the thing to help you turn your mood around. For many people, several questions will be on the nose for any particular situation.
So read each question below, and after your read each one, let it settle in the mind, think of an answer, and then move on.
What could you learn from this situation that would help you in other places in your life?
What is the reality of the upsetting situation? What is the threat? What is your goal? How can you best achieve it?
What is so terrible about this moment right now? Are you making yourself angry un-necessarily?
What can you learn from this situation that would help you in other places in your life?
What will this situation look like next year? What will it look like many years from now?
What stories have you been telling yourself about the upsetting situation? Can you think of a story that makes you feel less angry?
Is there another side to the upsetting situation that makes you feel more forgiving?
What is the most pleasurable thing about this moment, right now?
Think of somebody you admire - someone who handles anger well. How might that person look at the situation that is making you angry? What might that person do to keep a level head and act effectively?
If a good friend of yours were in a similar situation, what might you say to help them through it?
What is the worst thing that is really likely to happen in this situation? If that happened, what good things could you still enjoy in life?
What can you do now to make the worst-case scenario less likely? What can you do now to make the worst-case scenario less threatening?
Are you using anger to distract yourself? What might you be thinking about if you weren't thinking about this? Would it make more sense to focus on that instead for a while?
Are you using anger to energize yourself? How could you raise your energy level right now in a healthier way?
How much do you really need to care about what other people think of you in this situation? Could you afford to care less? Should you care more?
Are you rehearsing (or replaying) confrontations in your mind? Can you let go of that and allow yourself to be fully in this moment now?
What advantages do you have in this upsetting situation that you would not have in other circumstances that look more appealing to you now?
What healthy things have you done to calm yourself before?
Will you please take my online survey and tell me how this worked out for you?
Using these questions to relieve sadness takes practice - and people get better the more they use it. If you experience even a small improvement in your mood, chances are this system could work well for you as a long term habit. If you are interested in the full text of my upcoming book The Ten-Second Attitude Shift: How to Keep a Winning Spirit All the Time, please send me e-mail at the address at the bottom of this page, and I will give you information on reserving a pre-publication or first-run copy at a discount off the publication price.
Copyright 2002 by Robert Gore. All rights reserved.
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Brought to you by Robert Gore, Ph.D., Psychologist and Psychotherapist
Beverly Hills, California 310-448-9510
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